This is Me
Updated: Nov 11, 2022
This is me 2022:

Mum of 3
Wife
5am worshipper
Sunrise lover
Yoga enthusiast
Avid reader
Goal setter
Chaser of dreams
Social butterfly
Motivator
Early morning walker
1/2 Marathon runner
Podcaster
Property Investor
Women's Coach
This was me 2021:
Mum of 3
Pharmacist
Wife
See the difference? This is my story
5am Is my new go time, this means that I have 2 hours to myself before the children wake up, I feel like I've found the answer to getting more hours in the day. Fancy being able to read for a while, enjoy a coffee whilst it's still warm, put pen to paper and exercise before the world wakes up? then stick with me. Since getting up before the rest of civilisation I have achieved more things than I ever thought that I would achieve, how would completing a half marathon from a standing start in 3 months make you feel? I sudden realised that I COULD DO HARD THINGS. My mentality was slowly shifting, I started working on myself (and wow a lot can happen when you start doing that). I realised that I wasn't living life by my values, I would never have known this had I not worked through and established my core values. I had to take actionable steps to rectify this. Pharmacy was a career which I entered into almost by mistake (they had places in clearing) and I'd continued down this path for 15 years. There were aspects which I loved, sales, customers, resolving conflict, consultations with patients. The bits I struggled with were the pharmaceutical aspects and having to do what others told me. I was becoming more annoyed that blood pressure pills were being handed out like sweets when the patient hadn't been looked at holistically before resorting to these tablets. I came to the conclusion that I had to let pharmacy go otherwise I'd always fall back into it as I had in the past.
I'd always banged on about getting into property and never did anything about it so when my brother in law mention he was going to some training event I said I was going too. I've set up a property business, I now work with an amazing partner who completely gets me and my oddities. I've had therapy, found yoga and attend an amazing studio every day if I can (if anyone lives close to Newark go to https://yogasquad.co.uk I can't recommend them enough), go for 6am walks with my friends and look at the sunrise, spend quality time with my children and I'm loving life. Add in a late ADHD diagnosis and finally understanding so much more about myself I finally feel like me and I love feeling like me. I stand up for what I believe in, say what I think and now know I won't get swayed into doing anything that doesn't fit with my life path. THIS IS ME.
But obviously it wasn't always this way
This time last year I hit a wall, I had 3 small children, 3 under 3 and was living the life that I thought I should live. I'd gone back to work when my youngest was 4 months old in my role as a pharmacist to aid in the delivery of COVID vaccinations.
These were the thoughts that ran through my head
- The world is in "crisis"
- I need to help
- The money is important
In reality (and only with the benefit on hind site) I had a full time nanny and I felt GUILTY. If I had someone helping to look after my children 50 hours a week, I should be doing SOMETHING (now I know, I was doing something, more than something in fact - I was looking after my children and just had some help with things such as preparing lunch, getting them all ready, changing nappies etc).
The night before I started work, I could not sleep, not off again on again sleep, actual up all night, pacing the house getting so annoyed with myself I didn't know what to do insomnia! I didn't really think anything of it went to work and got through the day (all be it with breast milk patches on my top as I was still feeding). I got on with it, my body didn't! queue chronic insomnia which manifested itself with 4 nights of being up continuously, then a nights sleep of 12 hours as my body couldn't cope anymore on repeat. Still I went to work sometimes doing 13 hour shifts because it was something that I should do. I thought my insomnia would correct itself, I couldn't have been more wrong I hit breaking point and spoke to my GP, he prescribed me Zopiclone a sleeping pill. I took one and slept, but as a pharmacist I knew that this was not the answer I did not want to become addicted to the Z's as I'd seen it so many times. I spoke to him again and he suggested that the root cause of my insomnia maybe anxiety. Having suffered in the past I was unsure as I hadn't any of the (usual for me) symptoms, but I was willing to try anything.......enter sertraline (an anti depressant). After taking sertraline for a week I was back to sleeping soundly and could function better at work but I was so BORED. Bored of going to an unfulfilling job, guilty I had 3 children being looked after and missing my friends and family as the shifts were here there and everywhere-including weekends, which I snapped up due to it being double time.
However this is what I thought I SHOULD be doing - so on I went even though I was miserable, my husband was miserable; thankfully I think the children came out unscathed although time will tell. It came to a natural end in September as our centre closed down and I decided not to work at any of the others. What didn't come to end was my loss of sense of self and here I was with 3 children, on antidepressants and showing up to the world like I had my shit together.
Then crunch point came. We went to my brother in laws wedding (which had been rearranged 5 times due to COVID so it was an extra special wedding day). Everyone was happy, excited and so so pleased for them. I was extra excited, I mean I have a tendency to get very over excited about things, but this materialised in me drinking far too much (tequila is not my friend at the best of times but I bloody love a margarita). I could not remember getting home; alcohol potentiates the side effects of sertraline as they both have an effect on the neurotransmitters and cause extreme drowsiness and sedation and can also cause black outs. I woke up in the morning and have never felt such a sense of guilt. Guilt that they had waited so long for the wedding and I'd drunk too much, guilt that if the children had been taken ill neither myself nor my husband would have been able to drive to hospital (there are v.few taxis where we live and you have to pre book), this was unfounded guilt as our Nanny had stayed the night in charge and if anything would have happened she'd have been on it. It was the catalyst that I needed to make the first change (after googling the effects of sertraline and alcohol - if you are on sertraline or any SSRI and drink I don't suggest you google it'll scare you to death), I never wanted to feel like that again so just like that alcohol was gone. At first people thought I was being dramatic, what was wrong with a few drinks? I knew that I didn't need it I hadn't drunk in 4 years bar an occasional champagne as I'd been pregnant or in the new born fog so in reality this was an easy thing for me to knock on the head. It was this turn of events that helped me in so many ways. I did not want to be on pharmaceutical drugs so I started looking at the bottom line and decided to start improving myself. And the rest they say is history.
Having been through all of this and seen how transformational changes and habits can be, I want to help others who maybe feeling a bit lost and don't really know what to do about it. I've had idea after idea and now a vision is becoming a reality. I know what to do and can show you how to do it too.
This is Me Coaching An 8 week course to finding yourself launching January '23 https://www.thisismecoaching.online
So if any of this resonates with you and you feel like you've lost your true self get in touch.
I've helped myself and now I'd like to help you too (I promise I won't make you give up the booze....unless you want to of course)
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